Nothing can last forever specially if there is another person involved

I will be posting the last blog entry. It will be on Friday of next week(the three week anniversary of the German leaving our lives).  I didn't want to write anything because I was hoping I would come back from work one day and there she would be!  It has been a very crazy time since the German has left, Eric and I got in a physical fight, we are moving out of our place, and I have been audited(damn I miss the German, things were so much easier).  I will give you every detail of what happened and how amazing this ending is ( I couldn't have planned this ending better).  I was a huge part of starting this experiment and I was an even bigger part of ending (not on purpose). So make sure you tune in Friday for the grand finale and believe me it will be worth it.  I know a lot of you out there have heard variations of the story, but (Jeff is coming back for this final post) this will be well worth the time it takes you to read the entry. 

The End

In a bizzare twist of fait, Eric deported the German for cheating on him.  The End.

German T-shirts!

Here is the first of the official German Experiment T-shirts.  Custom created by a master graphic designer known as the Grizzled Gigolo, aka Macky Mac, aka JT to the MAX. The large text translates to: "The German Experiment," and the small text below the city reads: "I am logic, therefore logic is me."  The words will wrap around the shirt.  The vision of Eric, the vulture, can be seen hovering over the Berlin skyline, ready to swoop down on an unsuspecting, underage German girl.  Let us know if you are interested.

Chapter 10: Will you be my girlfriend?

The time has come to share with you something that is so huge I don’t know how I have kept it from you guys for so long.  Let me set the scene for you:  Its late Tuesday night and the German and Eric are settling down to eat their dinner at the dining room table (coffee table in my room{livingroom}).  I’m laying on my bed (futon) watching old episodes of the Chapelle’s show.  Eric ascends down on my bed and the German childishly sits down on the couch.  Eric has a glass of wine and so does the German.  Eric’s commenting on how good of a selection the wine is (I wanted to call bullshit, but I minded my own business).  Eric repeats a great Chapelle phrase, and makes it sound so stupid while the German giggles (this girl will laugh at anything).  I’m tired, but feeling playful, so I ask the German if her and Eric are boyfriend and girlfriend (hold your breath for this next comment), Eric interrupts her and says “Of course”.  I didn’t believe my ears (I have known this guy for 6 years and have never heard him say such a thing, him admitting this is like Bonds admitting that he has done steroids {still on of the best hitters ever}, I thought it would never happen)  I again gasped for air as I reached slyly for my recording device.  I still was asking questions about how and when they started “dating”.  I turned on the recording device and let more questions roll. So I asked if the LA trip was a date.  The German said no and the German’s boyfriend (the name I call Eric now, and it really pisses him off) said yes at the same time.  I laughed and the German corrected herself and said yes it was a date. Then I asked G’s BF (Eric) to tell me what the German was (little did he know I was taping it and I wanted to hear it from the horse’s mouth), and he confirmed “She is my girlfriend”, then he went off on some lame bullshit speech about just because I can’t commit to someone.  (Again I have this on tape)

T “ You guys have only known each other for a little over two weeks and you are already boyfriend and girlfriend.”

E (Lamest shit I have ever heard the G’s BF say, well maybe not he lamest, but top 100) “Tyler just because we can commit ourselves to one and another; unlike you does not make you better that you are better then us.”

T “That’s beautiful Eric.” German gives a little ummm huhh (broken English) “ You guys do make a beautiful couple”

E “I know”

G “Thank you” (BE)

T “Do you guys love each other?  An awkward silence covers the room as G’s BF starts to awkwardly drink his wine.

Then the conversation got worst as G’s BF kept up with the respectable gentleman bullshit.  It was sickening to hear the shit he was saying.

E:  “Tyler I not afraid to share my feelings with a special girl.”  I wanted to puke. 

The German watched her boyfriend saying all this bullshit with a look in her eye that reminded me of a little girl looking up to her respectful politician father (like the way Tom Delay’s daughter looks up to him with, yeah totally oblivious of the truth).

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I’m the most respectful person in this world but there is no way I would ever say the stuff the Senator Eric said.  I know all you guys that have been to the bars with me and say I’m just as bad, I agree, but I say it to total strangers and never believe a word I’m saying, I actually think the G’s BF really believed what he was saying.  It was the most amazing circling I have ever seen a vulture do.  Its like a vulture painting itself white and trying to get away as a Swan it just doesn’t work, but the German ate it up just as quick as the vulture could regurgitate the shit out.

I could not believe my ears and after the “interview” (as the G’s BF called it, little did he know it actually was an interview) was over.  I went straight to Jeff’s room to share the new information.

So it’s official the G’s BF can be a one woman man.  I thought it would never come, but, like they say, all good things must come to an end.

Ericism :

E “I’m more logical then any logic that you or anyone else knows, therefore, I am logic (long pause, I wait in question) and therefore, logic is me.”

T “That makes no sense”

E “Exactly, you don’t understand logic.”

If anyone understands this please tell me in simple terms.  Einstein I’m sure would be stumped also.

Chapter 9: Awkward Questions lead to Awkward Answers

Well all of those questions were sent in too late, but I was able to think of some of my own, believe it or not.  When I use complicated words the German  really doesn’t understand what I’m saying, at first she would just agree and laugh, but now she has caught on and says no then asks me what it means (funny thing it only took her about 3 weeks to find that out, Eric still is not aware, yet).  She kind of played into my first question when she asked me if I wanted a muffin.  I told her no I was not hungry for muff, and then asked her if she like muff (I know a little childish, but I felt it was funny at that time).  Then the neighborhood’s homeless cat came by (I gave him some of the cat nip from Eric’s best buy ever from Petco, boy was I wrong it wasn’t the worst buy ever!  I got the little guy hooked and he comes by often, like a crack head and his dealer.) and I asked her if she was into “bestiality” she was confused, but I quickly told her the meaning (you like animals {exact words and I’m not really lying}) and she agreed that she did like animals (hell she lives with a vulture).  Then we got into some more serious questions about what her mom thought of her living out here and if she had told her mom that she was staying with Eric in his bedroom. She told me her mom was aware that they were staying together, but her mom trusted her, then I could see my opening. I asked what did her mom need to trust her about and she looked at me and said you know, and I gave that look that only I can give (a stupid, little, sly smile, you know when the Grinch was stealing Christmas, yeah that’s it) and said no what does she trust you about.  The German then told me that her mother trusted her not to do anything.  I felt like God had spoke to me and said “Eric has lied to you Tyler”.  I said “oh really and have you kept your mother’s trust?” and she told me “of course”.  So someone is lying and I have made it my life endeavor (well maybe just the next few days) to find out who the liar is. 

Eric came home and they did their lame things that they do and I went on a walk down the board walk (I actually kind of “promoted” a bum fight while I was out.  I love the bums of PB.).  When I got home I heard the German and Eric busy making dinner and Eric lecturing her on how she had to wash her hands while handling veggies after handling raw meat (what the fuck is he trying to do change a whole continent?)  She didn’t understand the reason, but she followed Eric’s orders and washed her hands.  I was trying to get in with my digital recorder, but was too late.  Eric went to put the meat on the BBQ and I saw my opening for a good question session, and turned on my recorder. 

G: What is the problem? I don’t know whats the problem. (with touching raw meat then vegetables)

T: Don’t you think Eric’s weird?

G: Yes, little bit(Broken English)

T: Who’s weirder me or Eric?

G: (laughing) Eric! (BE)

T: Eric’s weirder then me?

G: Yeah, in this point, yeah. (BE)

T: You mean all these strange things he does? He’s a weirdo isn’t he.

Conversation comes to a stop as Eric soars (vulture Eric) into the kitchen.  Gives a couple key little phrases then stretches out his arms and swings (chimpanzee Eric)off.

I then go back to the questions:

T: On a scale 1 to 10, 10 being the weirdest, what is he?

G: A seven (BE)

T: A seven, what am I

G:  I don’t know you well I haven’t had a chance to know you.

(what the hell I have known her just as long as she has known Eric, well not as intimate I guess.)

G: You are a 10 when you party (BE)

T: Yeah I’ll give you that, I get a little weird.

I then left and went back to watching the Colbert Report.

Fellow blogers I have very important news and for you who know Eric,  this will blow your mind, this is the only time I have ever ( and I have it on digital recorder of course {he still doesn’t know I record our conversations, just call me Donnie Brasco}) heard Eric say this. I didn’t believe it when I first heard it.  I had to go into the bathroom and listen to the recorder and make sure my mind was not playing tricks on me because of how out of the ordinary this is to come out of Eric’s mouth.  I was going to write it, but I wanted to see what you fellow blogers think it is. Stay tune for a huge development.

Also I would like to thank you guys for the comments it makes my job that much better when I get some feed back. I actually thought about calling it off yesterday (no comments), driving home from work, I stopped, pulled over (I-5 wasn’t moving that fast down here in SD, and I was letting a motorcycle pass me) and clinched my fist.  I pleaded “Talk to me Goose talk to me.” I could read peoples lips as they passed me in their cars “Tyler’s disengaged, Tyler has disengaged”, I could hear all you out there saying “reengage Tyler, reengage” I got myself together and turned my Honda back into the fast lane and reengage for the blogs sake. 

Well thanks again for the comments (if you can’ tell I enjoy receiving comments)

Remember to tune in tomorrow for the biggest news to hit since we learned the German was coming. 

Ericism of the day: 

G: Eric I want to have pancakes, with syrup, we don’t use syrup in Germany (BE)

E: Oh we can make some this weekend.

T: Don’t be fucking cheap take her out to Denny’s.

E: I don’t know about Denny’s, dog, I think there would be trans fat in their pancakes.

J: Are you joking Eric, you don’t think fat burger has trans fat.  

E: I just don’t know, dog!

Eric took the German to the Padres game tonight and packed dinner for himself because of the trans fat in ball park food ( he was going to pack her dinner for her too, but I told him she needed to have ball park food if she was going to her first game.  He agreed which was strange for him to do).  I have actually heard him telling her not to eat at KFC because of the lawsuit that someone has on them for using too much trans fat.  See what I have to deal with

Remember huge things revealed next post.